Discrimination is still alive and well in public schools

No one is intentially segregating our schools...at least not that they would admit to. Our children are being severely discriminated, both racially and economically. My school is old, built in the 60's. On most days, the hallways smell like urine or dirty mop water. The walls are dingy and dirty, the paint is peeling off the walls and doors. Up until last year, we still had asbestos in our ceiling and floor tiles.

Now I can't tell you we don't have books or computers. Fortunately, because we are a low-income school, we do receive Title 1 funds that purchase reading materials, learning resources, and technology. However, I think the facility that we offer our children is just as important as the learning materials inside. Would you feel motivated to attend school if your school looked like a dungeon? And my school is not the worst in our county.

I can't escape the feeling that my children are being disadvantaged by their own school system, when I look across town at the "better schools" with a whiter population (you can't tell me I'm being racist, I AM white), higher test scores, and parents with more money.

I've felt this for awhile, but recently, I visited my friend's school and it literally made me sick. She used to teach with me, but her husband being in the military, they relocated a year ago. She now lives near a tourist area for the ritzy, yuppy people. This is the place you go when you want to visit the beach, but you are too good for "normal" beaches for common people. We made a stop at her new school. I wish I had taken pictures, because I don't know if I can desribe it in words. Let's just say, it's the Taj Mahal of elementary schools. The floors, the fixtures, the furniture, the lighting, the LIBRARY...if you can imagine what an elite law firm office building might look like, I'd say that would be a good comparison. And the playground - things like that may not seem important to you as far as education is concerned, but think about the eyes of a child. Would YOU want to go to a school like THAT? Oh yeah, that's what I thought.

I looked around and was amazed. I wanted to be so happy for my close friend who had this wonderful opportunity in this school. But I confessed to her, "I am so glad that you are here. This is an absolutely beautiful school. But I am sick to my stomach because this is disgusting." And she used to teach at my school so she knows exactly where I'm coming from. I couldn't say much if this were a private school...but it wasn't. Another public elementary school paid with American's tax dollars. The teachers don't get paid any more or any less to teach there. How could two PUBLIC schools be SO different?

In a child's mind, they don't think "Oh look at all those books, I wish I could go to THAT school." No, if they took one look at the inside of that school and the awesome playground, their parents wouldn't have to fight with them to go to school.

So, my point is, I am responsible for teaching a group of children who already have the cards stacked against them: multi-family homes, low-income, parents who are never home because they work multiple jobs, parents who don't help with school-work because either they don't want to, don't know how to, don't have the time, or all of the above. These are children that live adult lives in a child's body. What motivates them to come to school, much less do well in school? There's only so much a teacher can do. If you were one of my kids, would you be motivated to come to school and be your best in the dirty, dingy school? Maybe you would in the Taj Mahal school?

Why am I a teacher?

When I tell other people that I am a teacher, most often their response is, "Oh I pity you! I would not do your job for a million dollars!" or "I have the utmost respect for you. You couldn't pay me to do your job." Then, when I tell them where I teach, their reaction is pretty consistent - they make a face, curl their noses up, and say, "ohhh" sympathetically as if I told them I just stepped in dog crap.

I teach 3rd Grade in an elementary school that does not have a great reputation. Our school is known for poor state test scores and badly behaved kids. Many of the parents of our students have mugshots on the "Who Got Arrested" section of our online newspaper. I know, I know, it's VERY inappropriate and insensitive, but it has become somewhat of a hobby for teachers at our school to find which parent's mugshot shows up this week and why they got arrested. The charges range from driving with a revoked license to possession of marijuana. Whoever heard of "innocent until proven guilty"? Not anymore, because if you get arrested and your mugshot is plastered online, you are already guilty...you've already been humiliated.

I've been teaching in a Title 1 school in a low-income area for the past 3 years. If my town has an "inner-city", we are in it...however,I use that term pretty loosely. I've never personally visited an inner-city school, much less been in an area that would truly be considered that.

Someone asked me the other day if I liked being a teacher. I hesitated, I stumbled, I had a really difficult time verbalizing an answer. What finally came out? "I really want to love it, but it's hard to love a job when people keep throwing bricks at you."

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have mentally quit teaching. My colleagues and I now joke about which job I'm going to apply for next and how many times I'm going to quit this school year. It's true, in the past three years, I have submitted my resume to many different places including Scholastic Books, all the public libraries, local colleges, and anything else that I think might pay my whopping salary of $31,000/yr.

I got into an online dispute with another reader of our local newspaper a couple months ago. You know, most online newspapers allow readers to comment on articles. After another article was posted about budget cuts in education, I was rambling on and on about how public education sucks. One reader comments, "So why don't you just quit if you hate your job so much? I wouldn't want YOU teaching MY kid with that kind of attitude!" First of all, just because I hate my job, doesn't mean that I don't try to do it well. I work my butt off for those kids. I haven't physically quit for two reasons: I am an adult with financial responsibilities and cannot just quit my job AND I actually love my children. They are the reason why I am a teacher. If the public school system would let me just TEACH, I might love my job one day.

It's funny to me, because I have RARELY applied for job and not been hired...but since becoming a teacher, every single job for which I have applied and interviewed has turned me down. So there are two speculations, either there is a conspiracy against hiring teachers, or God himself is reminding me that THIS is my calling. My colleague and I believe it's probably the latter.

Okay God, I understand...but something has got to give. This job is going to put me in the grave if this stress doesn't let up. I would really like to have a child of my own before I'm 40, but when will I have time at this rate? And most importantly, my latest motto was adopted from a cute little plaque I bought at a home store - "Don't ever get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life."